Review: Fred Equal Measure

This lab-safe glass beaker has the usual cup/ounce measuring scale as well as some decidedly nonstandard standards. Here’s our recipe for get-gadget Chocolate-Chip Brownies: In a large bowl, combine 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, 4,285 drops of melted butter, and granulated sugar equivalent in volume to the average human breath (plus a gasp or two to taste). Add 6.1 billion grains of flour (equal to Earth’s population in year 2000), 2&frac12 teaspoons baking powder, and &frac12 teaspoon salt. Beat in three eggs. Finally, stir in 3 T-Rex brains’ worth of chocolate chips. Spread batter in a greased pan and bake at 350 degrees until a toothpick comes out clean—about 35 minutes (the time needed to watch 1.4 episodes of Arrested Development on Hulu).

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